Humiliations Galore

The last 2 days have been difficult for me. Today I vented my frustration to my cube mate about a project I had been working on by facetiously saying "I would rather be punched in the face" and then realized I would rather be punched in the face. Aside from work, which is difficult for everyone, I have had other tribulations.

I was pooped on. On my way to work a seagull pooped on me. I did not appreciate this. I will admit that this seagull has some talent. Not only was there crap on my coat, bag, and scarf, but the side of my face as well. So the universe shat on me. Well, this set the tone for the next 48 hours. I will not pore over the pathetic minutiae of these 2 days but here are the highlights.

• Seagull poop on my face
  
• Painstakingly peeled an orange and dropped it on the filthy floor, unable to eat it
• Smashed face into own desk while reaching for aforementioned orange
  
• Ordered desperately needed beer which waiter forgot to deliver
• Electrocuted lips on microphone
  
• Left zipper open at indeterminate time during afternoon
• Walked to bus with zipper down
  
• Rode bus with zipper down
• Went to grocery store with zipper down
• Failed to cook dinner, unable to operate a stove owned/used for previous 3 years
  
• Cooked dinner with zipper down
• Wife finds zipper tragedy hilarious
• Wife photographs crotch creating permanent record of personal inability to manage own clothing¹
  

I am not enthusiastic about the next 48 hours.


¹ More on this in future posts